It’s a Mind Trap: Looking for Certainty

And then, it happens. I burn out… and…

It All Falls Apart

It’s been a pattern in my life. But honestly, it was so ingrained, I couldn’t see it.

I got to keep repeating it—over and over—learning the hard way until I finally hit that wall.

And my body said, “Fine, you don’t want to listen? Fine…”

Exhausted. Depleted. Done. Suddenly,  my ears began to work… funny how when I had nothing left to give I could hear again. 

And yeah, sure, in that state, I was angry. I had all those stories swirling around deserve. You know—the ones our mind takes us to:

I deserve more. I deserve better. I’ve worked my (beep) off, done my best… blah, blah, blah… 

But deserve  - careful with that one. It's a sneaky little word. Sure, it sounds good. It sounds strong. It sounds empowering. Until you google the definition and hear -  earned, warrant, justify, entitled to….

It implies something owed. A transaction. I do this, I get that…

But life isn’t transactional. It doesn’t flow that way. It’s connection. It’s energy. And it is never in perfect balance – it swings like a pendulum. 

(I’ve created a freebie that outlines this process– Stop Pleasing, Start Connecting – grab your copy here..)

As long as I felt deserving, I was in a mindset that kept me stuck in the pattern of proving myself. I couldn’t listen because I was afraid I would hear “more” or be challenged. I couldn’t be open and connected because it might mean giving up some old beliefs that had become dear friends of mine. 

And heaven forbid, I couldn’t receive .. that might involve payback… see how tricky that gets.. keeping score and all. 

We become convinced that if we just do it, look good, don’t need …… we can avoid disappointment, failure, missteps, mistakes. I call it looking for a formula for certainty. If only certainty were one of life’s promises. 

It isn’t. 

The Mind wants a guaranteed outcome… even if the guarantee is suffering, aloneness, dashed dreams, or failure. The Mind sees that as a win. Do you? 

I have Gate 63 in my conscious Earth, which means my energy is literally grounded in doubt—in questioning everything. My Mind runs around like a chicken with its head cut off, pressuring me for certainty.

Will this work? Will I succeed? Will I be happy? Did I do it right?

For years, I thought that’s how life worked. I thought I could think my way into certainty. My Mind cheered me on… another “if only” moment of truth.

Because the mind isn’t looking for truth. It’s looking for proof that its fears are valid.

Burnout, here we come…. Wheee.. 

DEEP BREATH…. THERE IS HOPE… 

Of course, my Mind fed me a thousand justifications of what I deserved – just to ease my suffering:

I was right to be exhausted.

I was right to be angry.

I was right to shut down.

That’s the trap. When we believe our exhaustion is someone else’s fault, we start looking outside ourselves for the fix.

They should do more. They should see what I do. They should appreciate me more.

And maybe they should.

But that’s not the real question.

The real question is:

Why did I keep giving long after I had nothing left?

Emotional Overload: Protection’s Twin - Isolation

Maybe, like me, you have an open or undefined Solar Plexus. Maybe you didn’t ask that question because, again—like me—you feel every imbalance, every energetic pull. And instead of flowing with it, you become guarded and defensive.

I withdraw. I avoid – Not from a healthy place, mind you… from a disempowered place of anger. 

Now, on the other end, if you are an Emotional authority (defined Solar Plexus), maybe you withdraw too – for different reasons. Maybe the rollercoaster of emotions is so familiar that you are sure it is outside of you. If so… this might be happening…

In the emotional wave your mind feels safe. It is familiar. It wants you to stay in the familiar. So, it keeps you locked in the cycle—convincing you that this pain is so real (and it is) there is no way it is coming from inside of you… it must be….. it disallows any other possibility.

For years, I mistook distancing myself as self-protection. If someone was in a bad mood, I felt I needed to cheer them up – rather than just listening. 

I thought pulling back was me “honoring my energy.”

But really? Honoring my energy would have been not taking on the need to “fix,” having boundaries…. Recognizing my value wasn’t in how others felt. I was avoiding.  

It’s scary to risk, which led to me reacting, rather than using my authority to inform – and letting others feel whatever they chose to feel.  Openness became justification.

Fear of being too much kept me from  taking space, expressing my needs and wants, saying no —Instead, I was retreating in exhaustion.

And the deeper truth? It kept me from receiving the very thing I most wanted.

I had no idea how to let people support me.

So much of my life had been spent being the strong one that when I finally collapsed, I had no clue how to receive.

The Mind’s Biggest Lie: If You Need Less, You’ll Hurt Less

What if I trust, and I get hurt?

That’s what my mind convinced me of—until I understood my own design.

That’s the shadow side of this month’s energy—the fear of emotional chaos.

So, when you find yourself caught in that same thought loop:

“Self sufficiency equals protection” 

Don’t believe it.

It sounds good. It’s not. It’s just a way to keep life at a distance.

And it invites life’s enemy—cynicism and self doubt.

That’s the moment we stop being open. That’s the moment we shut down.

The Question: Openness & The Power of Wonder

The thing is - every time things “fell apart” I played the deserve tape… no surprise there. What was a surprise was in the midst of this storm of “this isn’t working”... I had never once asked if I was truly open to receiving what I wanted. 

What if I looked at it as an invitation to see - not what wasn’t working - but what WAS working. What if everything leading to my burnout wasn’t proof that I wasn’t enough, but an invitation in disguise - to pause long enough to ask myself what I really wanted? And then the quietness to see what was possible beyond the limits of my mind? Here’s what I mean…

A few months ago, something happened that really rattled me.

The person who introduced me to Human Design—who had built a thriving coaching business, multiple six-figure years, a growing community—suddenly shut it all down.

No warning. No explanation. Just a quiet post about getting a “regular job.”

And it shook me. I never shared this with anyone, but she had been a role model for me of possibility. What did it mean that she just stopped, shut down shop? What was I making it mean? So, I did what we all do… I entertained disempowering questions, courtesy of my Mind.. LOL.. for a good while. You know, things like… 

Am I in the wrong line of work? Is this a sign?

Was I just discovering my true design, only to realize it didn’t work? Does that mean I’m not supporting my clients?

For about a month, I sat with that fear. I questioned everything.

But then I did something different.

Instead of shutting down, instead of running, I chose wonder.

What do I know about her choice?

Why should anyone else’s choice – about anything – create fear in me?

What if this was really an invitation to practice openness?

What if I was open to seeing everything in my life as a gift—yes, even the hard things?

And when I took that wonder into my work, my clients, my life—I grew.

That’s when the mental battle shifted.

Burnout isn’t just physical. It’s the body saying,

“Look at how your mind is pushing you.”

Change the Questions, Change the Story

For years, my mind asked:

• Why can’t I get this right?

• Why am I not stronger?

• Why does this always happen to me?

Now, I ask:

• What do I need right now? (Hint - What does my energy type need to thrive?)

• What can I give to myself first? (Hint – you cannot give what you do not have.)

• What story am I telling myself—and is it true? (Is it 100% provable? And even if that answer is a yes – Is it serving me Right Now?)

What have you been clinging to so tightly from a story “I deserve?”

What might happen if you shifted that story to… “I am worthy and I am open to receiving?”

Life isn’t predictable. There is no guarantee or formulaic certainty. Life is a mystery and it can be magical.

Shift the pressure of your mind for answers and create Your Own Magic – with these simple Action Steps

• Change the questions you ask yourself 

• Recognize the mind’s tricks—and DO NOT buy into them.

• Get to know your Strategy and Authority – follow them in all personal decisions to ease resistance and create more flow in your life

• Practice openness & wonder as a daily choice. 

CLIFF NOTES FOR THOSE SHORT ON TIME AND FULL OF ENERGY:

1. Burnout is not just exhaustion—it’s a sign that your mind is driving the show.

• Your mind seeks certainty, even if that certainty is suffering. Learning to recognize that is the shift.

2. The biggest lie is that if you need less, you’ll hurt less.

• Protection isn’t true connection. The fear of emotional chaos makes us withdraw, but self-sufficiency as a shield only isolates us further.

3. Change your questions, and you change your story.

• The way out of burnout isn’t through doing more—it’s through reframing what you ask yourself and choosing openness instead of shutting down.