Do You Need A Wife Too?
Hello lovely!
... I asked a client the other day why she was still with her husband. For 30 minutes she had been repeating event after event and then saying she was done.
"If you are positive it’s over, what keeps you from having the conversation or going to an attorney?"
The question startled her a bit. She started talking about the kids, housing, finances…..
It all sounded "logical" for sure. But there was something about the way she was talking that did not convince me she meant it.
Deeper into the conversation I asked about their history together, especially the courtship. She brightened instantly but when she noticed my interest, it was as if she had to force herself to come back down to earth.
"That was a long time ago," she added wistfully.
Here’s the thing lovely one….. it doesn’t matter if it was 15 years ago, 15 days ago or 15 minutes ago. Time isn’t the enemy.
Feeling unheard, unloved, unappreciated - are frustrations and wounds that send you to the place of no other way out. When something triggers a memory, your brain goes straight to the "all the reasons you should leave him file." They may be great reasons, but it is your thoughts about what is possible that are creating pain. There are things you can do about the thoughts that will shift everything.
I’ve supported clients for six years to create amazing shifts that changed their lives and relationships. Many on the brink of divorce and saved their marriage.
If you believe that he isn’t worthy of you or your love and you want to yell or throw something at me right about now, let me just first say, bravo for seeing your value and worth. Bravo for speaking up.
Seriously B-R-A-V-O!!!
You are worthy of love, always. There is no mistake that you are on this earth and you were born to be loved.
If you are filled with anger and defensiveness, however, there is still work we can do together. Because loving and honoring yourself doesn’t come from defensiveness or needing to prove anything.
You are incredible. You are perfect. There is no one on the planet you have to convince of that, but you!
Which is the reason I encourage you to consider doing this work - WHILE YOU ARE STILL TOGETHER - hold on… think about it - how perfect is it that you get to practice new behavior on the person who is driving you the most crazy - seriously? No pressure to impress, right?
Jokes aside, the real reason is that you heal in a relationship because it is a relationship that wounded you. And I don’t want you to carry any residual bad feelings into your future relationships. This does not mean stay and be abused. If it is an abusive relationship - PLEASE LEAVE NOW!
If it isn’t however, what you most need to know is that you are worthy. When you really know it, defensiveness and blame leave you. You feel peaceful and powerful at the same time. Peaceful because there is nothing for you to prove; powerful because you know you could, but you don’t feel the need.
If you want to be THAT woman – check out the Confident woman Club https://kimberlybenjamin.lpages.co/confident-woman-club/
Thank you!
Kimberly