Cracking the Self-Care Code: Going Beyond the Clichés

Hello Lovely!


June is here and this month we are diving into Self Care!! Whee!


What is Self Care, really?  We hear about self-care all the time and I know, you’re probably bored hearing about it. I mean, who has the time? Right?


I think self care means a lot more than what you’ve heard about it.


This is what I’ve discovered… let me know if it resonates.


For many of the women I talk to, the idea of Self Care evokes guilt, “how can I spend money or time taking care of myself when XYZ needs to be paid for or done first?” Hummmm, sounds valid (and familiar).


For others, it brings up anger or resentment, “I can’t spend the money or time because no one else will do XYZ, except me.”  Reasonable, right? Someone has to do it.


And then there is a third group. Women who feel self care is just one more thing on their plate. They are so depleted that “doing something” for themselves feels more like pushing a rock uphill. When they don’t make it to the gym, or the money at the end of the month hasn’t made it to the end, they give up, go for indulgent food and binge watching TV in bed until the wee hours of the morning, with just enough “juice” in the tank to start the grind all over again.


I could go on and on about how “you can’t pour from an empty cup….. put your oxygen mask on first… “  I could offer loving reminders of how worthy you are and why it is vital that you take care of you, to be able to care for anyone else……blah, blah, blah…

AND…

You’ve heard them all already!


So, I’ll let you in on a secret instead…


It isn’t your fault.


Your beautiful mind is running your life. It is the one telling you that self care is selfish, or that you “can’t,” or that it’s just too much work. Your mind is at work 24/7, running you into the ground – literally.


So, how perfect is it that I’m writing this for you in May, because May has been “Mental Health Month” since the 40’s.


And you can sum Self Care up into those two words – Mental Health.


So, I have a slightly different approach to Self Care that I not only teach to my clients, but have also presented to outside organizations and associations.


It’s called – S.T.E.P.S. which is an acronym for Showing Up, Trusting Yourself, Ease, Progress, Shift.


Showing Up as your beautiful self means feeling alive. It means looking at your life as a gift, an opportunity; seeing every single moment as a new chance to ask if what you are doing is what you really want to do. Is it taking you closer to who you want to be and how you want to live? Or is it doing the same ole, same ole, buried in resentment and frustration?


Trusting Yourself means understanding that anytime you embark on something new – and yes, this can even mean something as crazy simple as brushing your teeth with your non-dominant hand, your brain will fight you. Discomfort is part of changing patterns that don’t work. Discomfort is to be celebrated because it means you are doing something you haven’t done before. And your brain fights it. It’s okay. The discomfort will pass. Do it anyway.


Ease.  If you are one of my clients, you’ve done the calendar repurposing exercise at least once. This is an exercise I walk you through to take things off your plate (or out of your budget) to bring in something new, that brings joy for you. Self Care isn’t about stressing yourself out to do something for yourself. It could be as simple as taking something off your to-do list.


Progress. This is a biggie. I work with you to see that the concept of reaching an end goal – i.e., perfection, is a losing game, and that progress is absolute perfection.


Shift. Well, this is all about inviting your brain to accept that you are in charge; that you are calling the shots.


Your brain never stops working. It has one goal - your survival. It files away everything you’ve ever experienced with any of your five senses. What I work with clients on is to see that your brain will never stop trying to get you to do what you know, even if what you know creates pain, keeps you from reaching your goals, or blocks the love you want.


It's your brain that starts arguments from a place of fear. It’s your brain that tells you that you will never have what you want, so why torment yourself trying. It’s your brain that tells you to go ahead and eat that third donut, what’s the use anyway? It’s your brain that tells you not to rock the boat or think too much of yourself.


It’s your brain that created the masks you’ve used all your life. It did it to protect you, to keep you alive.


And all of these things worked for a while. Just like not speaking up seemed to avoid conflict. Just like feeling the immediate, although very temporary, relief of eating donuts. Just like by passing the discomfort, or fallout of being bold, assertive or going for your dreams.


All of these things kept you “safely in familiarity.” But familiar isn’t safe, it’s just familiar. Your brain doesn’t understand that.


As one of my mentors said once, and I love the image, “your mind left unattended is like children running with knives.”


You get to be the one who decides what’s in your best interest. And let your mind do all the wonderful things it was meant to do, like keeping your heart beating and your lungs filling with air.


Your brain does amazing things. Thank her. Stand in awe of what she does on your behalf. Honor your brain for the ideas, information and protecting you from sensory overload.


And then let her know that running your life isn’t her job anymore.


Self Care is very simply; gently and lovingly taking back ownership of your life.


And that’s what we are working on this month… You being fully you, not cowed or neglected or overworked or settling for less than. Caring for you, so that you can in turn care for those you love.


So, if you are ready to actually feel excited about what is possible, join us.


Our Pearl membership is open and it’s a bargain at just $67 a month. Sign-up here.


I’ll see you over there!